Communicating with someone who is angry is one of the most difficult business challenges a business owner can face. Whether this angry person is a customer, client, an employee or outside third party, being on the receiving end of their heightened emotions is stressful. The challenge of someone pounding their fist, shouting at you or making unfair demands, forces you to respond as a disciplined, controlled and effective communicator.

    When you are put face to face with hostility, the natural human response is to react in kind; however, in most situations this is not an effective strategy. The key to breaking the cycle is to establish a mutual understanding. By finding a common ground, you can resolve the conflict and begin to build communication, step by step.

    In order to be an effective communicator you need to shift the exchange from the emotional to the rational. When faced with a situation where an angry and demanding individual or group has a list of complaints, the owner/manager needs to communicate both an understanding of their grievances and a willingness to collaborate to address them. The four simple steps to 'defuse the bomb' are:

        * Inquire: Being a focused listener calls for inquiring about the other person's issues and concerns. The goal is to not interrupt and to encourage them with eye contact and head nods.

        * Empathize: This means to connect with somebody on their emotional level. To relate to them you must first say, "I (appreciate, understand or share) your (frustration, doubt or concern)." Then, you must commiserate by saying how in the past you too have felt similarly.

        * Ask permission: Asking whether or not an angry person would like to hear some relevant information puts them in control, and thereby decreases their tension. Permission questions communicate that you are a reasonable person doing your best to reach an understanding.

        * Explain and offer choices: It's soothing for the upset individual to have a choice of solutions explained to them. The more solution options you offer for a course of action, the greater their sense of control becomes. This puts them in a more rational state where you can together begin to resolve the situation.